Let There Be Judging

Today I came home in such good mood. I met with my PT, got a new leg program and I didn’t totally suck when doing it! PT is my personal reward for myself for selling my fabrics and general de-cluttering, so there’s this multilevel personal life development going on.

Well, then I opened Twitter and saw a comment about contraception idiots and there was a link to a blog post, labeled Contraception Idiots. I clicked, I read and that’s when my day went sour.

Trigger warning. You will be mad as hell and you really should be too.

Finnish blogger by the nickname Anne Blue Eyes writes about a recent experiences she had with two guys in two separate occasions. I’m quoting her full story here (the translation is poor but you will get the gist) and tell me what you think…

“Here’s the continuation to what happened last time. There I mentioned the contraception idiot I met but with my luck, I managed to find another one. It’s stupid that I feel I have to defend myself here. The guys will come across (in this story) as very stupid and arrogant, and I can’t help but to wonder why I hung out with them in the first place. But outside the bedroom both guys seemed rational, nice and polite men! The first guy’s worst quality seemed to be that he wasn’t very good at making decisions and the second guy didn’t seem to have time to see me. Drunkenness is not mitigating the circumstances but I’d like to mention that alcohol didn’t have anything to do with what happened.

My two latest sexual partners have been, if you want to put it nicely, total jackasses and to keep the text readable, I left out the curse words. There would be plenty and you will soon see why. (Too much information warning here too!)

The first story starts where we are in almost-ready-just-lacking-condoms. The man comes really close to me and whispers: Unfortunately I don’t have any condoms but couldn’t we just a little, it won’t ma…” and mid-way speaking pushes in. He couldn’t finish the sentence because I was like whatwhatwhat. I didn’t have to clean curse words from this part because I was so upset that I couldn’t speak. You can’t do that! You can’t make the decision for another human being that it doesn’t matter. But this wasn’t all of it…

Aren’t you on the pill?” It’s impossible to transcribe the tone he used but it was clear, that eating pills is the default setting. We haven’t had a conversation about it ever, the question wasn’t are you on the pill but aren’t you, carrying the message you should. His follow-up question was the noblest of all: “Why don’t you use contraception?

Excuse me?!? Why I don’t use contraception?!? (This would be the curse word part!)

In this situation I was very upset about the contraception idiotism but I was also very annoyed that this whole thing would be falling apart because of this. Why, oh why, did you have to turn out to be a contraception idiot! The worst kind (before the next one…) because this really is it. I lost all my respect for him.

I know your expectations are really high for the next story. Let me introduce you, the King of Contraception Idiots, the jackass of all jackasses:

The situation was clearly leading to sex and having learnt from the previous experience and being in cautious mood, I brought up the condoms when we still had some clothes on. The man went to the bathroom and came back saying he was out. (My add…can’t translate the next sentence, but it comes clear that there was a moments silence). He figured out something and went to his closet and his toalet bag and found a packet of condoms in there. Woohoo!

Are you wondering what went wrong?

At some point we changed the position so that he was behind me. Amongst all the hassle, he asked something that I couldn’t here and I had to ask, what was it.

“I was just saying that I can’t come with condom but I promise to pull out before I come”. He had taken the condom off.

YOU CAN’T Do THAT! I can’t remember the last time I was so angry. I don’t care if both are clean, or if I was on the pill (which he didn’t know for sure, I hadn’t told me because were supposed to be using CONDOMS), you just don’t do that.

It is my decision to make who I have sex with, when, where, and how. If they don’t match with the other person’s opinions, then there won’t be any sex.

Did you think that was all? No!

In his warped, self created logic, condom is only for pregnancy prevention. So with the same logic, for me not using condoms is not okay (really no), because I’m afraid getting pregnant. How about anal? Can’t believe his thinking.

I should have told him off, just in case there was a chance that he would have understood. But I couldn’t. I was so upset I couldn’t breathe.

I got tested and I didn’t catch anything. I don’t want to think about the anger I’d have felt if these two idiots would have given me anything extra to remember them by.

The text is unbelievable. So were the comments. One woman had to receive therapy because she felt raped and this is the thing, I agree it is. She didn’t agree to sex without condom. According to Finnish law it’s not a rape but there are legal consequences if you transmit diseases knowingly. So if you say, you didn’t know, you are off the hook. I read all the comments (naturally) and there someone said the following:

This discussion makes me cry, even though I think it is very important and valuable. This story and these comments capture what sexual violence is all about. It’s not (in most cases) about someone jumping from the bushes and raping you violently but the perpetrators are normal, pleasant and generally come across as smart men who either a) don’t have even minimal understanding of the concept of volition or b) just blatantly disregard the whole matter. First one is changed with educating and raising awareness but the latter is much harder to change. I wish that in Finland the discussion moved on away from the violence and use of force to be more about the other person’s limits and breaking them even when there isn’t even slightest visual sign of physical violence.

What the commenter said really struck a chord with me. The person’s right to him/herself is the most important thing in the world.  Because if you lose your money, you can earn it back. If your house burns down, you can build it up again. When your vacuum cleaner breaks, just get a new one. Those are external things. True, having no money is extremely stressfull, but once you lose the you, be it physical or psychological you and no matter how, that’s the ultimate loss and the ultimate theft. Even if it happens by proxy, those responsible should be responsible.

UGH. I have spoken. The original story, in Finnish, is HERE.

-Thrifty Finn-

P.S. Adding photo credits later. Me so angry.

P.P.S. Finland added sexual harassment to punishable crimes June this year. June. This year. 2014. Oh dear god.

Endurance: Weekly Photo Challenge

art, chateau fontainebleau WPCEndurance2
WPCEndurance4

Sometimes I wonder how much really has changed for women. It seems that our lot is just to endure whatever men and powers to be throw at us. It has always been this way and will be so for the unforeseeable future unless we actually start doing something about it.

This week’s photo challenge theme is ‘Endurance‘. Rest of the interpretations can be found HERE. My earlier challenge entries are HERE.

-Thrifty Finn-

Little Presents

Remember the card, Fly The World, I made few weeks ago? Of course you do. Being my huge fan and everything. Well, card wasn’t all I gave, I made a present too! With my freakishly tiny, chubby hands.

vintage gift, present, graduation

I love that paper. It’s vintage shelf paper (is that a thing in English?), I found couple of years ago full roll of. FULL ROLL! A fantastic find, people. Fantastic.

vintage pillowcases, retro

I had better picture of the actual gift but seems that I deleted it by accident. My cousin moved back in with her parents to save money for her studies and now she’s looking for an apartment. I made two pillowcases for her from one of my most prized vintage sheeting. Only reason I was able to sacrifice it, is the fact I have three of them. Anyhoo, Maija really digged the colour so I’m happy too.

THEN another gift I made…Last January, a finnish foodie blogger Hellapoliisi asked on Twitter if someone would like to get some free food from her latest book photoshoot. You know me. I like free stuff and scored two cheesecakes and few other things for my sister’s birthday. Now, couple of weeks ago I finally managed to return the dishes to her and also thank her personally, so I decided to make something for her too…

vintage paper, pink, pattern

First the wrapper…Again vintage shelf paper.  I chose the pink one because Hellapoliisi is all about the pink. You should see her kitchen/studio. It’s ah-MAZING!

hear pocket, apron, pink, black, alice in wonderland

First the detail…I made this double, semi-appliqued heart pocket using cotton poplin. The main fabric is japanese and I bought both from Eurokangas.

hellapoliisi, apron

It’s an apron and that’s Hellapoliisi! I know a bonafide famous person! And more importantly an incredible cook and a successful business owner. Who is super nice too! Maybe I should take few lessons from her :D

Funny story…I managed to drag my butt there because she advertised on Twitter that there will be some crafty supplies for sale. Did someone say crafty supplies and sale in the same sentence? Me be there. Anyhoo, when I got there, turns out the person selling those craft supplies was Maiju, THE Finnish authority on cardmaking. She is pushing blogging and crafting on the back burner and is going to focus more on teaching, so she was getting rid of bunch of her supplies, keeping only her favourites. I bought 3 of her stamps and then she kindly gave me one extra as a gift!

So basically I met two celebs at once. I’m amazed I didn’t geek it out that much. EVERYONE who does paper crafts in Finland knows Maiju.

-Thrifty Finn-

P.S. Hellapoliisi was so nice that she made a fresh smoothie! It was delicious.

Pinteresting vol. XL

pintere There’s a saying in Finland that Thurdays are filled with hope. I have no idea where it comes from and what it means but in Finnish it rhymes really nicely of the tongue and that’s why I like using it. Maybe it’s about hope for the coming weekend? Perhaps.

Anyhoo…I have no rhyme or reason in my pinning either but here are again some of my favourites this week:

Grey cat, pattern, spoonflower, ottomanbrim, kitty

Designed by ottomanbrim at spoonflower.com

This kitty pattern is just too adorable and you can find it on Spoonflower. Ottomanbrim, who is a designer based in NY, has plenty of other mid-century inspired prints available too. The “Snowflake sweater” is another one of my favourites. This one is on my board Patterns.

quilt, red, spicy colours, modern baby quilt

Via flickr.com

Remember my Sunshine Quilt? Of course you do. I’m already planning my next quilt and since autumn is here and winter not too far away, I want something with warm colours to add extra coziness to my bedroom. This modern baby quilt has the perfect colours and I’ve found a fabric line from Amy Butler that have similar colours. Don’t hold your breath though. It DID take my first quilt 3-4 years from start to finish. From my board Crafty Things.

yellow chiffon blouse

Via sheinside.com

What’s with the warm colours this week?…. Lately I’ve had discussions with my friend about Lidl. Namely about how Lidl is expanding its business by venturing into clothing. Finnish fashion designers are all aghast because this “abomination” but IMO, at least Lidl SELLS clothes. A vital ingredient of keeping a business afloat. Personally I’ve bought some undies and tights from there, and today I’m getting their outdoor jacket. I’ve reached an age where appropriate clothing doesn’t feel embarrassing anymore. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start hiking, I just need the jacket for when I leave the gym.

I had point to the story but I lost it. I like this blouse, it’s sold out but girl can dream. From my board Trés Stylish.

tall dark and handsome

Via menstyle1.com/

Were we talking about girls and dreaming? I have a board, Men & Fashion, that’s a combination of style for men and men I fancy. It was supposed to be just about the style but I am weak. Very, very, weak. So far I’ve managed to keep the fancying part in minimum, so I have that going for the board but I can sense the total loss of Man Candy Pin Control in my very near future. But hey, which one of us doesn’t want little bit of tall, dark and handsome in their life? Allthough…

great dane with tennis balls

Via remainsimple.us

That’s the only tall, dark and handsome who would stay faithful and love you back unconditionally. Well done me. Managing to turn this week’s Pinteresting into a Single Girl Pity Party. I guess we all are good at something. From my board I Want a Doggy.

-Thrifty Finn-

P.S. I can’t resist. Here’s one more tall, dark and handsome, and a ‘bitching’ magazine cover:

Robert Downey Jr, Vanity Fair, cover

Via coverjunkie.com

You’re welcome.

 

 

Humanity: Weekly Photo Challenge

Humans are rather clever creatures. Eons ago someone figured how to control fire. No more shivering and being afraid in the dark. The darkness could be pushed away! Eons ago someone decided to co-operate with some of the friendlier wolves and now we have dogs! Eons ago they worshipped fat ladies and made dildos! Eons ago they knew how to live!

Oh, how many great things have humans figured out. There must have been first person to use something we would call make-up, after losing a mate to the Urgh in the neighbouring cave. Tools! Did the first hammer user curse as much as we do today after hitting one’s own finger?

All those small discoveries made with the help of large cranium and opposable thumbs became all the fantastic things we call arts and sciences. We truly are a special species among species. There’s just one slight design flaw that ruins it all…

Napoleons field uniform

Napoleon's throne Altar in the Saint Sulpice Lenin painting in Paris

Tendency to bend at knees.

This is my entry to this week’s photo challenge Humanity. If you are interested, rest of the interpretations are HERE and my other challenge photos are HERE.

-Thrifty Finn-